I realize that AGTube is not filled with people like this. The vast majority are friendly, lovely people who I share videos with and they share theirs with mine. It's all fun. But it's the ones who are not friendly that get to me. I know I'd say that I wouldn't talk about people who hurt me around YouTube, but I'm a weak person, and when this all reduced me to tears I just had to step back. I also had to tell everyone about it so they'd know what's happening. I will not share names as I do not wish for anyone to get into this nonsense, I just want everyone to know what's going on. Because I was made to get a job this summer, I've been working 9:00-4:30, 5 days a week, and I haven't been able to get on much. Messages are replied to every few weeks (Much to my dismay) and I can barely push out a good video. In fact, I've really just been trying to throw the Ballerina Project together as to finish the story and move onto a movie that I really want to do well on. YouTube's been tough lately. I feel absolutely terrible about it. My videos just can't seem to be what they used to be and it's making me more upset than anyone else. Still I try and make something as often as I can. Today I logged into YouTube for the first time in several days, checked the comments and went to see how the latest episode was taken. Everything was great in the comments until I came across some people fighting. I checked and it was all over an unnamed user proclaiming that I am racist. Her reasoning? Quinn played Kendra on Music in Me. This was crazy. My childhood best friend is black. Her mother, who was like my second mother is the darkest (And loveliest) lady I've ever met. My favourite doll- Noëlle- is black. Quinn isn't even black. She's malato, which is the racists most hated relationship. I didn't even know what to say. She told me that she would be blocking me because I'm so racist. I don't even believe in races. Races were a renaissance invention to distinguish appearances that extremists took too far. I don't even believe in the concept for heavens sakes! Quinn played Kendra because I cast my dolls based on who has played what. Everybody gets a turn at being the star and the bully. Quinn had just starred in Mystery as Chateau des Jardins as Kenley, so naturally it was her turn to play the bully. That's the only time she's ever played the bully. All that Noëlle's ever even played was the friend. I was so shocked by this statement that I could hardly even reply. This wasn't the worst though, the worst was another comment I read. At first I didn't even understand what is was saying as it came in parts but I *think* I understand it now. It was by the apparent sister of someone who has picked fights with me in the past. In 2010, she has messaged me claiming that my name was Lindsay and that I was her neighbour. When I simply told her no, I was not in fact this person, she freaked out, blocked me and claimed that I'd bullied her. I quite literally had to go through my back up account to give her proof that I'm Ali and then it was okay. She was sorry, we were alright, everything was settled. Several months later, she returned, screaming at me over something that I can't even remember, and attempting to pull together proof that I was a horrid person that everyone should see 'the other side of' and block. This continued on periodically with her freaking out over nothing, and then settling down and liking me again, so during her last rant, I blocked her. I couldn't take fighting her anymore as she was constantly looking for one. Everything was okay after that. I wouldn't have to deal with her any more and so I forgot about it all. Suddenly, several months later, her sister comes about claiming that I'd made her sister cry through messages, (I haven't messaged her since the first time I'd spoken to her) and that I was this horrible person who no longer cared about her viewers and only was in it for the money- that I was just like American Girl. Now I had no idea what she was talking about for the longest time, because like I said, I'd forgotten this mess months ago. Another girl (So far anyways) agreed with her, also saying that it was all about the money for me. This upsets me the most. I have no idea why people say that. I took the partnership, yeah, but wouldn't you? To be entirely honest the entire reason I'd applied for a partnership was just so I could have a banner. I REALLY wanted that banner. I made one the day I applied and eagerly waited months to use it. The first thing I did when I got the partnership? I put up the glorious banner and then I showed my entire family that banner. The money thing was like 'cool, money to buy things to make videos with!'. I use my YouTube money for YouTube, because my parents don't buy me AG things anymore. That's it. Is it all about the money because I have an etsy? Lots of people do. I made shirts and posters because people requested them numerous times. I was originally only making jewelry for fun, but people asked for shirts, and silk screening is fun (Have you ever tried it? SO FUN WHEN YOU GET TO PEEL OFF THE PAPER ALL SMOOTHLY) so I did it so everyone who wanted a shirt could buy them. I make them when people ask for them and I'll stop when they do. So please, tell me, how am I an evil, money obsessed, business person? People forget, I'm a person. I am literally one girl sitting behind a computer screen. When I started my account 4 years ago, I did it because making videos looked fun and I wanted to try. People think that all because I have a lot of subscribers makes me less of a kid. I'm exactly the same as you are. Critique my videos, that's fine, I need that, but when you start to make up things about me and try and turn people against me and claim that I've become something that I haven't, that's too far. I'm going away for a bit now because this isn't fun anymore. Fighting with people who are saying horrible things about me is taking that fun away. I want to have fun, so I'm going away until I can get the fun back. Until AGTube is back. I'd block the people but I'm sure that'd just make another big scene all over again, as I obviously block people just to show that I'm better than them, right? I want to be the 11 year old again who gets all smiley when she gets a new message and makes videos because she has fun doing it. Not a girl who has to try and prove to people that she hasn't become all about the business and force herself to make a series that she doesn't even want to do, just for everyone else. I'll be around here and facebook if you need me. Someone tell me when it's fun again. I truly don't even know what to say at this point. This post was going to be about how I currently don't have a memory card (Mom put it in our camper and won't take me to get it) and how I just completed my first eye swap or how the summer movie will be late because of my job and how I might need to come up with something else as what I have might not work for me, but no. This post has to be me defending myself. This is different than someone calling me 'gay' or 'stupid' in the comments of my video. This is someone inventing things to slander my character, and I don't just want to sit there and let this happen. Please, I beg you, I'm a young, human being. I just want to make videos. I'll trade with someone. They can take my position and deal with people trying to ruin them, and I'll just make videos on a regular account and have fun with it again. Maybe I'll leave this account and start up a secret, new one and let people find me on their own. I just don't like what this has all become. I want my extra little hobby back. Let me have fun.
This message is brought to you by a kid who doesn't want you to forget who she is.
Be back later, and hopefully I'll have a video to show if when I do.
PS, if you're reading this, you're right, my name isn't Ally, it's Ali.
Thanks for reading.